Please Don't Pee on the Cat

Around here its always one of those mornings. Its complete chaos. Every morning.

Griffin marches in holding his shirt choice of the day.
"Get dwessed? Get Dwessed? Get Dwessed? ehehehe GET DWESSED! HELP! PLEASE!'

Griffin gets a shirt. Laurel stomps in. She throws herself down.
" Need my dolly! Wheres dolly? Oh no!"

Oliver stampedes through.
" Go outside. Need to go outside".

Holden sleepily shuffles in.
" Is it a school day? Why is everyone in here? I was all alone".

Then the noise level escalates.
The chorus begins.

NEED BWEAKFAST! I HUNGRY! I WANT MORE MILK! I WANT CHEERIOS!"

" ACK! WHERE MY KITTY SPOON?"

Yeah, well, Mommy and Daddy need coffee.

" I need coffee. Gwiffin need coffee".

No, thats the last thing you need.

Eventually they all settle at the table. Usually.

Sometimes we have mornings that are a bit more challenging than the norm. Days that seem to hit the outer limits of the bell curve before 8 am.

For instance the other morning when Holden shrieked from the bathroom. He had accidentally peed on the cat. I still don't really understand how that happened. He was traumatized, he loves the cat. The cat was traumatized too.

We cleaned the bathroom and the cat. Unfortunately our schedule is very tight in the mornings. There is no extra allotted time for the peeing on and subsequent cleaning of cats. So we were running late.

I tried to hurry and get Griffin and Laurel dressed. They don't deal well with being hurried. Griffin is OK as long as he gets his shirt choice. But he doesn't wear jackets or sweaters or sweatshirts. Outerwear is always a fight, and mornings have been chilly. Laurel is more challenging. She has all out fits.
" Nooooo. Not dat one! Eh ehe ehe WAAAA. I wanted pwincess shirt! No, I don't like that one. NOOOOO. Oh no, I need kitty shirt, NO I need pwincess! WAAAA I don't like it".

Exasperating.

Finally Laurel and Griffin are dressed and ... Holden is not ready.
Get your socks and shoes! Where is your backpack? Come on! We have to go!

Finally we get in the car, its way too late to walk to school, and the gas light comes on. Of course it does. Of course I have no gas.

I drive to school with the gas light on but have to park far from the school. There are 4 parking spots allotted for the school. That works out really well for the HUNDREDS of kids that go there. I did not get one of the four coveted spots.

Do I have the stroller with me? No, of course I don't. We walk, slowly, to school.

Why do we have to be late? Holden whines.

Because no one puts their shoes on.

Finally I am able to drop Holden off.

Griffin has a fit because he wants to go into the classroom. I have to drag the two of them away from the school. Laurel has gone limp and is having some sort of histrionic meltdown. Griffin tries to stage a sit in. I drag them along. I get a few sympathetic glances, and a few glares. People like to make sure that I know that they find my clan disruptive.

Some people go so far as to stare for a while, making sure I've seen them, trying to gain eye contact, so they can visually state their annoyance. I smile as though I think they are sympathetic. Some will even state " They are very loud", with evident disgust. My response is always the same. I smile , sometimes force a laugh, and say " I know!" as though we're all in on this clever joke. Generally that stops them for a minute, long enough for me to get away. They'll have to use their aggression on someone else, I have children to drag.

So I drag them back to the car. The car which has no gas. We head out to the gas station. They continue to scream as I fill the tank.

Now we need to waste time. Little does the housekeeper know, but this will be her last day. But I want to fire her when she is done, not before. I decide to drive out to Petaluma. The kids fall asleep in the car. Oh happy silence.

They wake up when we get to Petaluma. Stores aren't open yet. I have no idea how I got there so fast. So we go to the playground. The kids have a blast. Up the stairs, through the gym, over the ramp, down the slide. Over and over and over.

We head over to the Gap outlet. They chase each other, both wearing their squeaky shoes, around and around a circular clothing display. Around and around, screaming with delight and fatigue. I do nothing to control them. An employee laughs, a customer glares. I smile.

They finish their game and decide they've had enough. They lay on the floor and scream. I have no idea why. So I drag them to the checkout counter ( I had to buy Laurel some boots!). Griffin lays on the floor screaming, with snot and saliva running down his face. I ask the sales girl if it would be OK to leave him there for a little while. She said no.

We drove back home. I gave them lunch and fired the housekeeper. She looked stricken and I felt bad. She did do a great job, but I'd rather pay for preschool than a housekeeper. She sadly offered to keep it up once a month. I said I'd call her if I thought that would work in the future.

Oliver's bus arrived with Oliver. Oliver quickly trod sand through the clean house, dumped toys everywhere, drew on the floor with marker, and then it was time to get Holden.

So I loaded everyone in the stroller and we headed out. We have to stop by the fire station and admire the Smoky the Bear billboard or Griffin has a nervous breakdown and can no longer function. So we admire Smoky the Bear. Hi Smoky. Bye Smoky. Now we can continue on. We get to school but the class has not yet been let out.

" Holden! Holden!" Oliver cries, distraught. He can't possibly wait 2 more seconds for his brother's class to be let out. He climbs out of the stroller and makes a dash for the door. Within a second he is inside. He has made it to the sanctuary of the classroom. He quickly heads to a desk, sits down and begins to color. He has decided he belongs here. The substitute teacher clearly is unsure of how she should handle the situation. Its hard not to laugh. I offer no explanation as I collect Oliver.

We head home. Laurel and Griffin are horrendous because they have not napped. Oliver continues to trash the place until there is no residual effect from the house cleaner. Holden whines about not wanting to do homework because he needs to rest.

And I need a glass of wine. You just know it won't be a great day when it starts out with someone peeing on a cat.