Things are Good

I'm surrounded by putrid smells, but life overall is good. Things have worked out for the best in the long run. They always seem to, don't they?
I'm glad the babysitter quit. She was expensive. She didn't really end up fulfilling the role for which she'd been hired. She ended up simply being an expensive babysitter. With her suddenly out of the picture I was forced to examine different possibilities.
The twins still aren't potty trained. Not because I've tried and failed, not because they are not interested. They are not potty trained because I haven't tried. I literally spent years toilet training Oliver. I have bleached every inch of this house at one point or another. I'm way past scrubbing out underwear. As I see it all underwear is disposable. I am not scrubbing out $2 Thomas the Tank Engine briefs. The idea of starting the process all over again has been daunting.
The preschool at which Laurel and Griffin have been enrolled does not accept children in diapers. They are holding the slots for them. See? Its in my best interest to make this happen. But I haven't done it. I have found it easier to box train the kittens, and there have been set backs there as well.
Now that I have no babysitter and all errands must now occur with children in tow I knew something had to change.
I've been a shut in for years now. Oliver's behavioral issues make going out relatively impossible, even if the outing is very kid centric and enjoyable. Plus its hard to watch other children and their siblings doing regular kid stuff without my heart breaking a little. I try not to compare, but every now and then I catch myself thinking " so thats what it could be like".
Once I added infant twins to the mix well, that was the beginning of the end. There was simply no way I could go anywhere and keep all four children safe.
Recently Oliver has turned a corner. He doesn't simply disappear like he used to. He doesn't run off into traffic with carefree abandon like he used to. Thats not to say he won't run into traffic, but he no longer does it with carefree abandon. He is a little more mellow about it. Things are easier.
Griffin and Laurel are easier. They still throw a good 2 year old fit and they can scream and carry on with the best of them, but they also sometimes listen.
But I still don't want to do errands with 4 young children.
A friend of a friend knew of a local daycare situation. I called. Yes, she has openings and I could visit the very next day.
I took Griffin and Laurel over there this morning. Of course they loved it. Several rooms of kid activities, slides, bikes, trikes, wagons. Its not very expensive, they can go 2 days a week. Perfect. Do I think its the best thing ever? Well, no. But they are little and for socialization for them and a break for me its ideal. If I no longer have the babysitter, and if I fire the very expensive housekeeper, then I'm good.
I feel like a giant weight has been lifted off of me. I'd resigned myself to the fact that I might not get time for myself for years. I miss photography. I miss using my mind. I wonder if I still have one. Suddenly its all tangible again. There is hope on the horizon. I've lived hour to hour for years and suddenly I have hope.
So tomorrow I get to fire the nice woman who does an amazing job on the floors and charges exorbitant prices and drives a Prius.
I guess I have to clean up for the cleaning woman one last time. But I'm busy right now. I'm blogging and breathing in the putrid stench of 3 cats and 4 children. A small black kitten with extra toes lays at my feet, an opossum is sleeping on my leg, 3 children are sleeping, a fourth is rhythmically banging something, a fat large cat snores in the next room.
Things are pretty good. Except for the smell.