Yesterday I cleaned and cleaned and cleaned. It didn't make that much of a difference. I can't keep up. As I busied myself with folding laundry and decluttering I suddenly smelled something toxic. A familiar smell. A toxic smell. A bad smell. An ominous smell.
What could it be? I thought all the kids were in the back, playing. As it turns out all but one was in the back playing. One small child had realized she'd been left to her own devices and was busily taking full advantage of this fact.
I followed the strong and ominous smell which led me to the bathroom. The room the lone indoor child had just left. Nail polish remover? No... nail polish. The floor sparkled. The floor did not sparkle because it was clean. The floor sparkled because it had been smeared with sparkly nail polish.
I went out and grabbed Laurel.
" What were you doing in the bathroom?"
" Nothing."
Her fingers and toes sparkled. Not just her fingernails and toenails, but her fingers and toes and feet all sparkled. She had gone to town. She had painted the town sparkly pink.
" Did you put on nail polish?" I asked the obvious.
" Yes" she managed to whisper before bursting into tears.
" Where is the nail polish now?"
Sob sob sob..
" Laurel! Tell me where it is!"
" I put it hic..sob sob..hic sob...away"
At least she put it away when she was done.
Tuesday, March 9, 2010
Monday, March 1, 2010
The Trap
Everyone now has bunk beds. I love bunk beds. The rooms are all larger. Toys can stay in the bedrooms, in theory anyway.
Laurel and Griffin's bunk beds arrived last week. They are awesome. They have stairs rather than a ladder and the height is lower than a standard bunk bed. They are perfect.
The arrival of the bunk beds was quite a production. They arrived on a single palate but there were many pieces. Assembly was not included but fortunately the delivery men were happy to put it together for some extra cash.
The men arrived with the palate of bed pieces and it took about 30 minutes for them to unload all the pieces into the house. I shut my bedroom door because I saw that Chloe and Walle were sleeping on my bed. Paddington usually hides in the darkest Peru, or the darkest Peru equivalent, which is usually under my bed. At the slightest hint that a new person has arrived at the house he is gone. I assumed Paddington was under the bed.
The front door was open and shut and open again as the men trudged back and forth with large bits of things and tools and boxes and headboards and steps.
Eventually the bed was assembled, the boxes dismantled and carted off , the men were paid, ( I even threw in some children's clothing because one of them mentioned he had six kids and I had just cleared out some outgrown clothes). The men left.
I then discovered the lower bunk was put in head first rather than foot first. The room is so tight I had to turn it on its end to reverse it. Fun.
I opened the door to let the cats out. Chloe and Walle came to inspect. Paddington did not.
I made the beds. I put away clothing etc in the attached drawers. I folded sheets and put them in the armoire.
No sign of Paddington.
He could not have gotten out. Not again. We can't have lost him again. That was all too traumatic.
I put out plates of tuna. Chloe and Walle ate it ravenously and appreciatively.
No sign of Paddington. I called him. Nothing. I looked in all his usual hiding spots. Under the beds, in closets, behind toy boxes, behind curtains. Nope, no sign of him. I looked outside, in bushes, under hedges. Nothing.
Oliver came home from school. I needed to go get Laurel and Griffin. Oliver and I got in the car and the gas light came on. So I hurried to the nearest gas station, which had no gas. I went to pick up Laurel and Griffin, figuring after I got them I'd head to a different gas station. So we did that. I pulled in to the next gas station and there was caution tape on all the tanks. They didn't have gas either. Um... is it 1972?
We went to pick up Holden then we drove to a third gas station which I was relieved to find actually had gas.
Although Holden's swim team practice was meant to start at 4 I decided to take him to the 4:30 session because I had to go pick up an animal trap to try and get Paddinton back. We've been through this before and I knew the system. Wait til dusk, bait with Kentucky Fried Chicken, listen for the snap of the metal doors. Hertz Equipment Rental closes at 4:30 so I needed to get this trap.
I left the kids in the car, ran in, picked up the paper work, drove to the pick up area and the man loaded the trap into the car for me.
Our house is on the way to the pool so I pulled over by our house and ran over to set the trap. I might as well set it early with a little tuna, and reset it at dusk with KFC. I carefully set it up while the kids watched from the car.
I ran back to the car to drive to swim practice and Holden said " Isn't that Paddington?"
Sure enough, there he was. He watched me set up the trap...from the window. He was inside, where he had been all along.
Laurel and Griffin were amazed that the trap worked so well. They are still talking about it.
Laurel and Griffin's bunk beds arrived last week. They are awesome. They have stairs rather than a ladder and the height is lower than a standard bunk bed. They are perfect.
The arrival of the bunk beds was quite a production. They arrived on a single palate but there were many pieces. Assembly was not included but fortunately the delivery men were happy to put it together for some extra cash.
The men arrived with the palate of bed pieces and it took about 30 minutes for them to unload all the pieces into the house. I shut my bedroom door because I saw that Chloe and Walle were sleeping on my bed. Paddington usually hides in the darkest Peru, or the darkest Peru equivalent, which is usually under my bed. At the slightest hint that a new person has arrived at the house he is gone. I assumed Paddington was under the bed.
The front door was open and shut and open again as the men trudged back and forth with large bits of things and tools and boxes and headboards and steps.
Eventually the bed was assembled, the boxes dismantled and carted off , the men were paid, ( I even threw in some children's clothing because one of them mentioned he had six kids and I had just cleared out some outgrown clothes). The men left.
I then discovered the lower bunk was put in head first rather than foot first. The room is so tight I had to turn it on its end to reverse it. Fun.
I opened the door to let the cats out. Chloe and Walle came to inspect. Paddington did not.
I made the beds. I put away clothing etc in the attached drawers. I folded sheets and put them in the armoire.
No sign of Paddington.
He could not have gotten out. Not again. We can't have lost him again. That was all too traumatic.
I put out plates of tuna. Chloe and Walle ate it ravenously and appreciatively.
No sign of Paddington. I called him. Nothing. I looked in all his usual hiding spots. Under the beds, in closets, behind toy boxes, behind curtains. Nope, no sign of him. I looked outside, in bushes, under hedges. Nothing.
Oliver came home from school. I needed to go get Laurel and Griffin. Oliver and I got in the car and the gas light came on. So I hurried to the nearest gas station, which had no gas. I went to pick up Laurel and Griffin, figuring after I got them I'd head to a different gas station. So we did that. I pulled in to the next gas station and there was caution tape on all the tanks. They didn't have gas either. Um... is it 1972?
We went to pick up Holden then we drove to a third gas station which I was relieved to find actually had gas.
Although Holden's swim team practice was meant to start at 4 I decided to take him to the 4:30 session because I had to go pick up an animal trap to try and get Paddinton back. We've been through this before and I knew the system. Wait til dusk, bait with Kentucky Fried Chicken, listen for the snap of the metal doors. Hertz Equipment Rental closes at 4:30 so I needed to get this trap.
I left the kids in the car, ran in, picked up the paper work, drove to the pick up area and the man loaded the trap into the car for me.
Our house is on the way to the pool so I pulled over by our house and ran over to set the trap. I might as well set it early with a little tuna, and reset it at dusk with KFC. I carefully set it up while the kids watched from the car.
I ran back to the car to drive to swim practice and Holden said " Isn't that Paddington?"
Sure enough, there he was. He watched me set up the trap...from the window. He was inside, where he had been all along.
Laurel and Griffin were amazed that the trap worked so well. They are still talking about it.
Tuesday, February 23, 2010
What Would You Wish For?
I decided to take the twins out to run a few errands. Two out of four children are easy. So we went to the mall. My IPhone charging cord was broken and frayed again. I wanted to go to the Apple Store.
So I drove to the Apple Store after the other two were in their respective schools. The stores don't open until 10. So we went to Peets and they scored cookies and I had a coffee. I need a lot of coffee.
At 10 we walked over to the Apple Store. Employees were everywhere, ready to help. Immediately I was led to the wrong product. No, I want the charging cord thingy, like this broken one.
I found it myself.
Meanwhile Griffin was making a pile of all the IPhone cases he apparently needed, despite not owning or even having access to an IPhone. Laurel was then inspired to pick out a hot pink Paul Frank Julius monkey cover which she wanted for herself.
No, we are not getting the hot pink Paul Frank IPhone case. The employee who was not actually helping me but nevertheless had remained in my vicinity with a posture of helpfulness, was quick to point out that they did indeed have these hot pink cases in stock.
Yes, I know, but I don't want one. My daughter does.
"Well, here they are!" She pointed out brightly.
"Yes, I know. But my daughter is 4. She doesn't have an IPhone".
I paid for my cord as she helpfully pointed out that there were computer games for kids. So of course Laurel and Griffin wanted to play these games. But, they are four and don't know how to play computer games, don't need to play computer games, and at this point I want to leave and not hang out at the Apple store all day.
So they whined and screamed as I pulled them away from the games they didn't know how to play in the first place. Thanks helpful Apple people.
So then we tried to walk to another store but got waylaid by a fountain. Other children were throwing coins in. I don't have coins to throw into fountains. I was wondering just who it was that had been throwing quarters in there and whether or not anyone would notice were I to wade in and collect them when some random guy asked the twins if they'd like to make a wish. They clearly had no idea what he was talking about but said yes.
He gave each of them a penny. Griffin wished for a boot. Laurel wished for a cat. We thanked the man and left.
I thought we'd walk through Pottery Barn Kids. Thats a safe bet. Kid friendly. So we walked in and Griffin and Laurel fought and tussled over every object within reach. It was fun. We needed to get out of there. They didn't want to leave. They were having too much fun fighting. So I pointed out that there was another fountain and we could make another wish. Suddenly the whole lets throw our money into a puddle idea seemed like a good idea after all. They practically ran outside, very excited to try out this new wishing thing.
We got outside and Griffin looked around.
" Where is the wishing man?"
We don't need the wishing man. We can make our wishes without him.
" But we need the monies from the wishing man".
Griffin began to look very concerned.
His fears were allayed when I suddenly produced two pennies.
Laurel wished for a cat.
Griffin wished for a boot.
So I drove to the Apple Store after the other two were in their respective schools. The stores don't open until 10. So we went to Peets and they scored cookies and I had a coffee. I need a lot of coffee.
At 10 we walked over to the Apple Store. Employees were everywhere, ready to help. Immediately I was led to the wrong product. No, I want the charging cord thingy, like this broken one.
I found it myself.
Meanwhile Griffin was making a pile of all the IPhone cases he apparently needed, despite not owning or even having access to an IPhone. Laurel was then inspired to pick out a hot pink Paul Frank Julius monkey cover which she wanted for herself.
No, we are not getting the hot pink Paul Frank IPhone case. The employee who was not actually helping me but nevertheless had remained in my vicinity with a posture of helpfulness, was quick to point out that they did indeed have these hot pink cases in stock.
Yes, I know, but I don't want one. My daughter does.
"Well, here they are!" She pointed out brightly.
"Yes, I know. But my daughter is 4. She doesn't have an IPhone".
I paid for my cord as she helpfully pointed out that there were computer games for kids. So of course Laurel and Griffin wanted to play these games. But, they are four and don't know how to play computer games, don't need to play computer games, and at this point I want to leave and not hang out at the Apple store all day.
So they whined and screamed as I pulled them away from the games they didn't know how to play in the first place. Thanks helpful Apple people.
So then we tried to walk to another store but got waylaid by a fountain. Other children were throwing coins in. I don't have coins to throw into fountains. I was wondering just who it was that had been throwing quarters in there and whether or not anyone would notice were I to wade in and collect them when some random guy asked the twins if they'd like to make a wish. They clearly had no idea what he was talking about but said yes.
He gave each of them a penny. Griffin wished for a boot. Laurel wished for a cat. We thanked the man and left.
I thought we'd walk through Pottery Barn Kids. Thats a safe bet. Kid friendly. So we walked in and Griffin and Laurel fought and tussled over every object within reach. It was fun. We needed to get out of there. They didn't want to leave. They were having too much fun fighting. So I pointed out that there was another fountain and we could make another wish. Suddenly the whole lets throw our money into a puddle idea seemed like a good idea after all. They practically ran outside, very excited to try out this new wishing thing.
We got outside and Griffin looked around.
" Where is the wishing man?"
We don't need the wishing man. We can make our wishes without him.
" But we need the monies from the wishing man".
Griffin began to look very concerned.
His fears were allayed when I suddenly produced two pennies.
Laurel wished for a cat.
Griffin wished for a boot.
Thursday, February 4, 2010
Afternoon Adventures
I think the weeks are getting longer and longer. Is that possible? Because I really think thats happening.
Yesterday, despite being Wednesday, lasted for several days. Oh, it started out OK. As OK as Wednesdays get what with the whole get everyone up a little extra early because two of the schools have morning meeting at 8:30. Coincidentally 8:30 is also the time at which I drop off Laurel and Griffin. Its all very convenient and easy to schedule and packing 4 lunches is never a problem. I just breeze through the mornings.
I breezed on through the lunch packing and breakfast screaming ( "NO! Thats my bowl! " " I need more Cheerios...NO! AHHH I want Daddy to do it!" " No, not that bowl! Thats not my bowl! I don't like that bowl! He is kicking me! He made me spill! ").
I got the kids to school. I attended one of the morning meetings. I put gas in the car and ran 57 errands. I came home and vacuumed and folded laundry. I divided the laundry by child and placed it in neat piles over the entire sofa. I picked up 2 out of 4 children.
I decided after homework was completed that I'd take the two of four children out to buy a birthday present for the remaining two children. The boys sat down to do their work. They needed snacks. They needed to go to the bathroom. Apparently they also needed to clog the toilet.
So I plunged. That should work, right? No, of course it wouldn't.
Vile. Vile. Vile.
The toilet overflowed. I gagged and plunged to no avail. I really did gag. Oliver thinks gagging is barfing. So he started giggling and saying " Oh no! Mommy is sick!"
No, honey. I'm not sick. Just grossed out.
I failed. I could not plunge the toilet. I started cleaning up the disgusting floor. I had a large garbage bag and gloves and cleaning supplies and someone started ringing the bell and knocking. Oh, of course someone would come to the door now.
But the most amazing thing happened. It was the plumber! Seriously. He had come with the part for our sink. He arrived when I had a broken toilet. Of course if I lived somewhere other than California this may not seem quite so random. One might assume that well, she had an appointment with the plumber, of course he came. So whats the surprise? I would have thought that too, before I lived in California.
But see my plumber is awesome. He comes when I need him. Always. If I have a non emergency he doesn't come right away. If something bad happens he comes right away.
Here is the system: I call and leave a message stating my problem. He shows up at some non specific time when he happens to be near by. Really. This is how it works. Sometimes I arrive at home with a carload of children and there he is in my driveway. He greets me with a big friendly smile.
I've had a leaky sink for a while. He was in my driveway last week when we got back from swim practice, but he didn't have the right part. Apparently he'd stopped by several times since but I hadn't been home. Had I known when he thought he might be coming by I might have been able to be here, but whatever. I'd much rather have someone nice and friendly who consistently does great work and has an intuitive scheduling system than pay exorbitant prices for a large company to do a bad job.
The point of all of that is to say that it was a surprise, a very, very welcome surprise, to have the plumber show up just as my children had clogged a toilet!
Within 10 minutes the toilet was fixed, the sink was fixed, and homework was completed. We were ready for our birthday present buying adventure.
Or so I thought.
We went to the first store. Oliver walked inside and announced " I want to go outside."
No, we are looking for birthday presents, remember?
" I want to go outside. All done with this store. Time to go to a new different store".
Oh great.
Two minutes later we were in a different store. One second later:
" All done. Time to go to a new different store".
Remember? We are looking for presents for your brother and sister.
" NO! No presents! I want to go outside! All done! I'm HUNGRY! I want FOOOOOOD".
OK, next store. This one has a train table, maybe that will help.
Nope, I was being pulled and yanked. This was not the present buying adventure I'd anticipated.
Next stop: book store. Oliver likes books. He made himself a stack of books and wanted to leave with them.
No, we are going to look around.
"No! I don't want to look around! I need to go outside! I am hungry! I'm all done! I want to go home!"
Somehow I managed to convince him to sit next to Holden and read so I could look around for 3 seconds. I gathered up a few books in a somewhat panicked state. There was a 6 year old time bomb about to go off and I knew it.
Waiting in lines is not our forte so even though there was only a few people ahead of us in line we had our challenges. Oliver pulled and yanked and fell dramatically to the floor. I pretended not to notice. Oliver yelled that he needed to go outside and ran to the door.
"Oliver!" I reprimanded sharply, apparently startling a few people in the process. He giggled.
" Get back in this line NOW."
I half expected some of the patrons to follow my direction as well and was vaguely disappointed when Oliver was the only one who listened.
We made our purchases and headed out the door.
" We have to go get Griffin and Laurel now," I said.
" No! I'm hungry! I don't want to get Griffin and Laurel."
Just as Oliver made his final announcement we passed by this beautiful little gourmet cupcake store.
Lets go in here!
I don't know what I was thinking. More lines, people, choices, waiting. Oliver wanted a chocolate cupcake. NOW. Holden carefully considered his options. Since we were in a gourmet cupcake place he opted for a cookie. The woman gave Holden his cookie in a bag. She handed Oliver his cupcake on a napkin. Oliver wanted a bag, like Holden. The cupcake will get wrecked in a bag, I explained.
"BAG!" Yelled Oliver.
Another employee offered a single cupcake box. Oliver was kind of OK with the box option. But it needed to be closed. Then he needed to leave. Immediately. The breaking point was very close. Holden took him outside to sit at a table. In the cold. In the wind. I paid and then joined them. The box was instantly discarded. He finished the cupcake faster than Holden could eat his cookie.
We went to pick up Laurel and Griffin then went home and I began to think about what to make for dinner.
" Mommy?"
Yes, Oliver?
"Mommy,I had fun at the store."
Yesterday, despite being Wednesday, lasted for several days. Oh, it started out OK. As OK as Wednesdays get what with the whole get everyone up a little extra early because two of the schools have morning meeting at 8:30. Coincidentally 8:30 is also the time at which I drop off Laurel and Griffin. Its all very convenient and easy to schedule and packing 4 lunches is never a problem. I just breeze through the mornings.
I breezed on through the lunch packing and breakfast screaming ( "NO! Thats my bowl! " " I need more Cheerios...NO! AHHH I want Daddy to do it!" " No, not that bowl! Thats not my bowl! I don't like that bowl! He is kicking me! He made me spill! ").
I got the kids to school. I attended one of the morning meetings. I put gas in the car and ran 57 errands. I came home and vacuumed and folded laundry. I divided the laundry by child and placed it in neat piles over the entire sofa. I picked up 2 out of 4 children.
I decided after homework was completed that I'd take the two of four children out to buy a birthday present for the remaining two children. The boys sat down to do their work. They needed snacks. They needed to go to the bathroom. Apparently they also needed to clog the toilet.
So I plunged. That should work, right? No, of course it wouldn't.
Vile. Vile. Vile.
The toilet overflowed. I gagged and plunged to no avail. I really did gag. Oliver thinks gagging is barfing. So he started giggling and saying " Oh no! Mommy is sick!"
No, honey. I'm not sick. Just grossed out.
I failed. I could not plunge the toilet. I started cleaning up the disgusting floor. I had a large garbage bag and gloves and cleaning supplies and someone started ringing the bell and knocking. Oh, of course someone would come to the door now.
But the most amazing thing happened. It was the plumber! Seriously. He had come with the part for our sink. He arrived when I had a broken toilet. Of course if I lived somewhere other than California this may not seem quite so random. One might assume that well, she had an appointment with the plumber, of course he came. So whats the surprise? I would have thought that too, before I lived in California.
But see my plumber is awesome. He comes when I need him. Always. If I have a non emergency he doesn't come right away. If something bad happens he comes right away.
Here is the system: I call and leave a message stating my problem. He shows up at some non specific time when he happens to be near by. Really. This is how it works. Sometimes I arrive at home with a carload of children and there he is in my driveway. He greets me with a big friendly smile.
I've had a leaky sink for a while. He was in my driveway last week when we got back from swim practice, but he didn't have the right part. Apparently he'd stopped by several times since but I hadn't been home. Had I known when he thought he might be coming by I might have been able to be here, but whatever. I'd much rather have someone nice and friendly who consistently does great work and has an intuitive scheduling system than pay exorbitant prices for a large company to do a bad job.
The point of all of that is to say that it was a surprise, a very, very welcome surprise, to have the plumber show up just as my children had clogged a toilet!
Within 10 minutes the toilet was fixed, the sink was fixed, and homework was completed. We were ready for our birthday present buying adventure.
Or so I thought.
We went to the first store. Oliver walked inside and announced " I want to go outside."
No, we are looking for birthday presents, remember?
" I want to go outside. All done with this store. Time to go to a new different store".
Oh great.
Two minutes later we were in a different store. One second later:
" All done. Time to go to a new different store".
Remember? We are looking for presents for your brother and sister.
" NO! No presents! I want to go outside! All done! I'm HUNGRY! I want FOOOOOOD".
OK, next store. This one has a train table, maybe that will help.
Nope, I was being pulled and yanked. This was not the present buying adventure I'd anticipated.
Next stop: book store. Oliver likes books. He made himself a stack of books and wanted to leave with them.
No, we are going to look around.
"No! I don't want to look around! I need to go outside! I am hungry! I'm all done! I want to go home!"
Somehow I managed to convince him to sit next to Holden and read so I could look around for 3 seconds. I gathered up a few books in a somewhat panicked state. There was a 6 year old time bomb about to go off and I knew it.
Waiting in lines is not our forte so even though there was only a few people ahead of us in line we had our challenges. Oliver pulled and yanked and fell dramatically to the floor. I pretended not to notice. Oliver yelled that he needed to go outside and ran to the door.
"Oliver!" I reprimanded sharply, apparently startling a few people in the process. He giggled.
" Get back in this line NOW."
I half expected some of the patrons to follow my direction as well and was vaguely disappointed when Oliver was the only one who listened.
We made our purchases and headed out the door.
" We have to go get Griffin and Laurel now," I said.
" No! I'm hungry! I don't want to get Griffin and Laurel."
Just as Oliver made his final announcement we passed by this beautiful little gourmet cupcake store.
Lets go in here!
I don't know what I was thinking. More lines, people, choices, waiting. Oliver wanted a chocolate cupcake. NOW. Holden carefully considered his options. Since we were in a gourmet cupcake place he opted for a cookie. The woman gave Holden his cookie in a bag. She handed Oliver his cupcake on a napkin. Oliver wanted a bag, like Holden. The cupcake will get wrecked in a bag, I explained.
"BAG!" Yelled Oliver.
Another employee offered a single cupcake box. Oliver was kind of OK with the box option. But it needed to be closed. Then he needed to leave. Immediately. The breaking point was very close. Holden took him outside to sit at a table. In the cold. In the wind. I paid and then joined them. The box was instantly discarded. He finished the cupcake faster than Holden could eat his cookie.
We went to pick up Laurel and Griffin then went home and I began to think about what to make for dinner.
" Mommy?"
Yes, Oliver?
"Mommy,I had fun at the store."
Wednesday, January 27, 2010
The Food Battle
My 8 year old is a great eater. He always has been. His diet is varied and his palate is sophisticated. Thats not to say he doesn't enjoy junk food as much as the next 2nd grader, but overall he is both well rounded and open minded.
Unfortunately these qualities are not a result of my fantastic parenting abilities, as illustrated by my subsequent children.
Oliver prefers peanut butter for lunch and cereal for breakfast. Each new bowl must be in a clean bowl. There is no such thing as a second helping in the same cereal bowl. That cereal is tainted. Sometimes we make the resolve and we face this battle.
No! You only get one bowl!
We valiantly stick with our assertion. The problem is Oliver has great stamina for holding a piercing shriek at the most shrill decibel. If that fails to change our minds about the bowl situation then drastic measures begin. Cups of milk are toppled, siblings bear the brunt of his wrath. I think the character of the Incredible Hulk was based on Oliver. He is the sweetest boy on the planet, but oh you do not want to be around when he turns green and his clothes shred.
So Oliver has cereal in 400 bowls, then he eats peanut butter for lunch. He eats other things with his peanut butter, like raw carrots and 400 mandarin oranges, but he must have peanut butter. He would rather starve than eat a different type of sandwich so in the end I relent. I don't relent because I figure oh well, it can't be that bad for him. I relent because I'm so tired of having a full lunchbox come home full of warm and wasted food. I relent because of the time it took for me to pack that lunch that came home warm and untouched.
Then there is Griffin. He will try something. Usually. If he sees Holden eating it.
Then there is Laurel who drinks milk. Lots of milk. So much milk that I make her eat before she gets milk. Sometimes she'd rather have nothing at all than have to have one bite.
Holden explains that food is good for you and if she wants to grow up and be tall like him she should eat.
She thinks its OK to drink milk and be short.
She points out that she does eat cookies. I point out that cookies are a treat, they are not good for you. Cookies do not help you grow.
" Oh, like vegetables make you grow?"
" Yes!" I'm delighted that she has figured this out. I see the glimmer of light on the horizon.
" Of course, I don't eat my vegetables." She points out.
" You need to eat to grow and be healthy."
" I like chocolate". Laurel reasons.
" No, chocolate does not help you grow."
" It makes you shrink?"
" No."
Despite having had variations of this conversation over and over and over again Laurel remains convinced that some foods make you grow while others make you shrink.
We can't get rid of her squeaky cat shoes because when she shrinks to a baby they will fit her again.
OK, well, good luck with that.
Unfortunately these qualities are not a result of my fantastic parenting abilities, as illustrated by my subsequent children.
Oliver prefers peanut butter for lunch and cereal for breakfast. Each new bowl must be in a clean bowl. There is no such thing as a second helping in the same cereal bowl. That cereal is tainted. Sometimes we make the resolve and we face this battle.
No! You only get one bowl!
We valiantly stick with our assertion. The problem is Oliver has great stamina for holding a piercing shriek at the most shrill decibel. If that fails to change our minds about the bowl situation then drastic measures begin. Cups of milk are toppled, siblings bear the brunt of his wrath. I think the character of the Incredible Hulk was based on Oliver. He is the sweetest boy on the planet, but oh you do not want to be around when he turns green and his clothes shred.
So Oliver has cereal in 400 bowls, then he eats peanut butter for lunch. He eats other things with his peanut butter, like raw carrots and 400 mandarin oranges, but he must have peanut butter. He would rather starve than eat a different type of sandwich so in the end I relent. I don't relent because I figure oh well, it can't be that bad for him. I relent because I'm so tired of having a full lunchbox come home full of warm and wasted food. I relent because of the time it took for me to pack that lunch that came home warm and untouched.
Then there is Griffin. He will try something. Usually. If he sees Holden eating it.
Then there is Laurel who drinks milk. Lots of milk. So much milk that I make her eat before she gets milk. Sometimes she'd rather have nothing at all than have to have one bite.
Holden explains that food is good for you and if she wants to grow up and be tall like him she should eat.
She thinks its OK to drink milk and be short.
She points out that she does eat cookies. I point out that cookies are a treat, they are not good for you. Cookies do not help you grow.
" Oh, like vegetables make you grow?"
" Yes!" I'm delighted that she has figured this out. I see the glimmer of light on the horizon.
" Of course, I don't eat my vegetables." She points out.
" You need to eat to grow and be healthy."
" I like chocolate". Laurel reasons.
" No, chocolate does not help you grow."
" It makes you shrink?"
" No."
Despite having had variations of this conversation over and over and over again Laurel remains convinced that some foods make you grow while others make you shrink.
We can't get rid of her squeaky cat shoes because when she shrinks to a baby they will fit her again.
OK, well, good luck with that.
Wednesday, January 20, 2010
The Lost Hamburger
Sometimes its just really hard to fit everything into the day. Tuesdays always have extra challenges. As soon as Oliver is home we have to leave to pick up the twins early so we can get Holden and bring him to swimming. After swimming we have to get to Oliver's appointment and then drive home at rush hour when all the kids are starving and I have to miraculously get dinner on the table in 2 seconds flat.
Sometimes I am very organized. Sometimes I have soup simmering on the stove all day. Sometimes I brown some chicken then transfer it to a crock pot and let it slow cook all day with some veggies. Sometimes I wish I had done those things.
Yesterday was one of those days. I had no plans for dinner. The electrician had arrived early to fix the bathroom light, which incidentally could not be fixed because the problem was the age of the fixture itself. I ran to Home Depot and another hardware store and Restoration Hardware where I learned that light fixtures are more expensive than I'd imagined. What I did not do was think about dinner.
Oliver came home and we immediately left to pick up Griffin and Laurel. It was pouring. It was thundering. There was lightening. Oliver does not wear coats. Once at preschool I zipped and snapped everyone into their coats and shooed them towards the door. Just as we were about to leave the building the sky grew dark and ominous and it began to hail. The wind was strong and we huddled by the door.
" Its hail! Look!" I explained. I held some in my hand. Oliver and Griffin ate it. When it seemed as though it wasn't going to let up I knew we had to make a dash for it because otherwise we'd be late to pick up Holden. We made our way down the now slippery steps, the children protesting in bewilderment. I opened the doors to the car and everyone's seat got wet, but in the two seconds it took to get to the car we were all soaked anyway. Especially Oliver who refused to wear a raincoat even though it was hailing.
I decided Holden would not be swimming today. We were late picking him up. I asked if he'd seen the hail. Even though he was standing outside waiting for us he somehow had not seen the hail and was gravely disappointed. Fortunately as we arrived home Griffin noticed residual balls of hail against our fence. Holden was relieved that he was able to see hail.
I gave them a snack and forced homework to happen and then it was time to leave for Oliver's appointment. Once again the sky was dark and the rain was heavy. As I pulled out of the driveway the gas light came on because the gas light always comes on in a storm.
I drove to the nearest gas station. The car in front of me pulled in too. But he pulled in to the closest pump and stopped so I was trapped. I shot him a withering glare. As I pulled around him I realized that the pump ahead of him was broken and that is why he'd stopped. I backed in to the pump parallel to the man.
He came over and said:
" I guess you thought I was a mean guy".
" Yes, I did. Sorry I glared".
" Yeah, I saw your face when I stopped."
" Oh I wasn't sure if you had. Its hard to tell if someone can see a glare when its so dark and rainy".
" Ooooh, I caught that look."
Finally we were on our way. Griffin fell asleep. I dropped off Oliver and we waited in the car for 40 minutes. At that point I decided that although I am not a fan of fast food, tonight would be a very good night for it.
" I was thinking about getting you guys something very unhealthy for dinner. Whats the most unhealthy thing you can think of?"
Holden's face lit up and his eyes filled with joy. " McDonalds?" He asked quietly, not sure if he could dare to hope for something so wonderful.
" Yes".
Cheers erupted.
When Oliver came out I told him about our plan and told everyone we'd be eating this fabulous feast in the car because it was going to take a while to get home due to the rain and rush hour traffic.
I ordered 4 happy meals and I pulled over right away to get everyone all set up and then we were on our way.
Half way home Laurel lost her hamburger while she was eating it. I don't know how someone can lose a hamburger, especially when you are in the middle of eating it. But that is what happened. When we got home I turned on the lights and we searched for her hamburger which we could not find. The hamburger I still have not found. We gave up and we all trudged our wet muddy selves into the house.
Wednesday mornings are hard. Oliver has to be ready by 8. The others need to be at school by 8:30. I packed the lunches. It was still pouring. My neighbor called and offered to take Holden to school.
Yes! Yes! Yes!
Since the pressure was off a little I reduced my pace from frantic to kinda quick. I got Laurel and Griffin into their rain gear. We went out to the car. The door wouldn't open. I know what that means. The electric doors don't work when the battery is dead. I had left the light on during the hamburger search.
So in the pouring rain I called AAA and they sent someone out to jump the car. I had to have the car jumped because of a lost hamburger. The hamburger that was supposed to make my life easier.
Sometimes I am very organized. Sometimes I have soup simmering on the stove all day. Sometimes I brown some chicken then transfer it to a crock pot and let it slow cook all day with some veggies. Sometimes I wish I had done those things.
Yesterday was one of those days. I had no plans for dinner. The electrician had arrived early to fix the bathroom light, which incidentally could not be fixed because the problem was the age of the fixture itself. I ran to Home Depot and another hardware store and Restoration Hardware where I learned that light fixtures are more expensive than I'd imagined. What I did not do was think about dinner.
Oliver came home and we immediately left to pick up Griffin and Laurel. It was pouring. It was thundering. There was lightening. Oliver does not wear coats. Once at preschool I zipped and snapped everyone into their coats and shooed them towards the door. Just as we were about to leave the building the sky grew dark and ominous and it began to hail. The wind was strong and we huddled by the door.
" Its hail! Look!" I explained. I held some in my hand. Oliver and Griffin ate it. When it seemed as though it wasn't going to let up I knew we had to make a dash for it because otherwise we'd be late to pick up Holden. We made our way down the now slippery steps, the children protesting in bewilderment. I opened the doors to the car and everyone's seat got wet, but in the two seconds it took to get to the car we were all soaked anyway. Especially Oliver who refused to wear a raincoat even though it was hailing.
I decided Holden would not be swimming today. We were late picking him up. I asked if he'd seen the hail. Even though he was standing outside waiting for us he somehow had not seen the hail and was gravely disappointed. Fortunately as we arrived home Griffin noticed residual balls of hail against our fence. Holden was relieved that he was able to see hail.
I gave them a snack and forced homework to happen and then it was time to leave for Oliver's appointment. Once again the sky was dark and the rain was heavy. As I pulled out of the driveway the gas light came on because the gas light always comes on in a storm.
I drove to the nearest gas station. The car in front of me pulled in too. But he pulled in to the closest pump and stopped so I was trapped. I shot him a withering glare. As I pulled around him I realized that the pump ahead of him was broken and that is why he'd stopped. I backed in to the pump parallel to the man.
He came over and said:
" I guess you thought I was a mean guy".
" Yes, I did. Sorry I glared".
" Yeah, I saw your face when I stopped."
" Oh I wasn't sure if you had. Its hard to tell if someone can see a glare when its so dark and rainy".
" Ooooh, I caught that look."
Finally we were on our way. Griffin fell asleep. I dropped off Oliver and we waited in the car for 40 minutes. At that point I decided that although I am not a fan of fast food, tonight would be a very good night for it.
" I was thinking about getting you guys something very unhealthy for dinner. Whats the most unhealthy thing you can think of?"
Holden's face lit up and his eyes filled with joy. " McDonalds?" He asked quietly, not sure if he could dare to hope for something so wonderful.
" Yes".
Cheers erupted.
When Oliver came out I told him about our plan and told everyone we'd be eating this fabulous feast in the car because it was going to take a while to get home due to the rain and rush hour traffic.
I ordered 4 happy meals and I pulled over right away to get everyone all set up and then we were on our way.
Half way home Laurel lost her hamburger while she was eating it. I don't know how someone can lose a hamburger, especially when you are in the middle of eating it. But that is what happened. When we got home I turned on the lights and we searched for her hamburger which we could not find. The hamburger I still have not found. We gave up and we all trudged our wet muddy selves into the house.
Wednesday mornings are hard. Oliver has to be ready by 8. The others need to be at school by 8:30. I packed the lunches. It was still pouring. My neighbor called and offered to take Holden to school.
Yes! Yes! Yes!
Since the pressure was off a little I reduced my pace from frantic to kinda quick. I got Laurel and Griffin into their rain gear. We went out to the car. The door wouldn't open. I know what that means. The electric doors don't work when the battery is dead. I had left the light on during the hamburger search.
So in the pouring rain I called AAA and they sent someone out to jump the car. I had to have the car jumped because of a lost hamburger. The hamburger that was supposed to make my life easier.
Tuesday, January 12, 2010
A Job For Daddy
I take my boy seriously. He knows when things have gone awry.
A few months back he came into our bedroom early in the morning. He announced that a crazy octopus was in the sink. While many parents might think " oh, silly 3 year old", or maybe " how endearing!" I know better.
I told Jeff to go check it out. I thought maybe there was a silverfish in there. Or maybe, gulp, a roach. Little did I know....
There was not a silverfish in the sink. There were no roaches in the sink. What was in the sink was far worse. I am so glad I sent Jeff in there. A potato bug was making its way out of the drain. Some people may not know what a potato bug is and perhaps may even entertain the erroneous thought that it couldn't be worse than a cockroach. But oh how wrong they would be. A potato bug screams if you try to off it. A potato bug is the size of a giant mutant cricket with the head of a fetus. Believe me, you do not want a potato bug creeping out of your drain.
I did not even see this particular potato bug, but for weeks afterwords I made sure I had a cat with me in the bathroom. I was not going in there alone and unarmed.
Fast forward to this morning.
Griffin comes into our room at about 5:30 am.
" Mommy?"
" Yes?"
" There is dirt on my bed".
" Um, what kind of dirt?"
" Squishy dirt".
Clearly this is a job for Daddy.
A few months back he came into our bedroom early in the morning. He announced that a crazy octopus was in the sink. While many parents might think " oh, silly 3 year old", or maybe " how endearing!" I know better.
I told Jeff to go check it out. I thought maybe there was a silverfish in there. Or maybe, gulp, a roach. Little did I know....
There was not a silverfish in the sink. There were no roaches in the sink. What was in the sink was far worse. I am so glad I sent Jeff in there. A potato bug was making its way out of the drain. Some people may not know what a potato bug is and perhaps may even entertain the erroneous thought that it couldn't be worse than a cockroach. But oh how wrong they would be. A potato bug screams if you try to off it. A potato bug is the size of a giant mutant cricket with the head of a fetus. Believe me, you do not want a potato bug creeping out of your drain.
I did not even see this particular potato bug, but for weeks afterwords I made sure I had a cat with me in the bathroom. I was not going in there alone and unarmed.
Fast forward to this morning.
Griffin comes into our room at about 5:30 am.
" Mommy?"
" Yes?"
" There is dirt on my bed".
" Um, what kind of dirt?"
" Squishy dirt".
Clearly this is a job for Daddy.
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