Wartimus

It hasn't gone away. My son's gross wart has not gone away. I'm not a big fan of warts. I'm not sure if many people are fans of warts. I'm sure there are some people out there that are intrigued by them. People that like gross foot related things. Podiatrists.
Anyway, it hasn't gone away.
It makes me gag.
We tried some over the counter stuff that didn't work at all. Or rather I bought some over the counter stuff and Jeff put it on him. ( See above - the part where I said warts make me gag). Nothing happened. He has a gross wart. The pediatrician had told us to try putting duct tape on it. I have no idea how that was supposed to work but we tried it. Why would putting duct tape on it work? What would that do? Maybe hide it so I wouldn't gag? But I hadn't asked advise about how to refrain from gagging, I'd asked about getting rid of the wart. I gave up on the pediatrician and the helpful duct tape suggestions. I gave up on the ineffective sludge Jeff basted on my son's wart which seemed to accomplish nothing.
We took him to my podiatrist. I thought he'd burn the wart off. He didn't. He said he no longer liked to do that with kids. It was just too stressful trying to keep them still while they shrieked in horror.
I was half thankful there would be no wart burning. I had wanted the wart gone . ( Again, reference above where I stated warts make me gag). But I also knew that of all my children this would be the child to react the most to the idea of searing flesh. There was also the issue that I had all four kids with me at this appointment.
I had brought raisins and puffed corn. A lot of raisins and puffed corn. But the question, as always, was how long can a food bribe last.
There was no way a triple stroller would travel through the narrow corridors to the patient rooms. Everyone would be free. Free to allow chaos to reign. Four small children in an office filled with gnarled footed patients. Gross.
DO NOT EAT ANYTHING OFF OF THIS FLOOR!
Its not so much that I was afraid of germs. I was afraid of.. ack! foot residue. OMG, I'm gagging just thinking about it. Gross.. feet...eeeew.
There was a lot of complaining and griping about raisins and lack thereof and who had more and who needed some and who took whose raisins but I was able to have the DR look at Holden's gross wart. He said that he'd had great luck with Tagamint/Tagamen something like that. An oral medication. Three times daily for 6 weeks , plus a topical solution. Sounds easy enough. He took a look at the wart while Holden screamed, imagining that something painful might be happening. The DR explained that THIS is why he prefers Tagamen or whatever its called. I had the office call in the Rx for me.
I just love Walgreen's drive through.
Holden wants to know if he gets to have whatever he wants for dinner.
Because you have a wart? I ask incredulously.
Yes, he tentatively answers, less sure he'll get the presents and chocolate and cake and balloons he'd hoped for.
No.
When we got home I explained that his wart was so big that we had to name him Wartimus. Wartimus had an identity large enough to warrant a name. Holden wasn't sure if he was being made fun of at first. But eventually took on the idea of Wartimus.

We all have to remember to feed Wartimus three times a day. Wartimus has to have his topical solution once a day, after the bath. Wartimus knows this medicine will make him go away so he protests, often in a voice that sounds suspiciously like Jeff's.

Slowly but surely Wartimus is losing his place in this family.

He won't be missed.