Nice Talking To You

OK, I know its a bad idea to complain about family in a blog or any other sort of online forum. But my mom has dial up. She'll get to this sentence and her computer will crash anyway. Hi mom, see ya later.

I don't like talking about Oliver with family. While I'm happy to discuss special needs, the set backs, the advances, the triumphs, the disappointments, the hardships and the love with just about anyone on the planet, I'm less inclined to discuss any of this with family. The reason is simple. Its the judgments. Its the lack of sympathy, empathy, or general understanding. Its the focus on whats " wrong" and whose fault it might be. Its the fact that Oliver isn't seen as a little boy, capable of loving and in need of understanding and affection. Oliver, to them, is a problem. An inconvenience. A shame.

Its hard to look on the bright side 24/7 when you are dealing with special needs. Everyone wants their kid to be OK in life. We do the best we can. And in the end, we love our little Oliver. He is a smart, sweet, bright boy who challenges us beyond anything we could have imagined. As hard as it can be I wouldn't trade it for a minute.

So I talked to my mom this morning. After she talked about herself without taking a breathe for about 30 minutes she asked about how Oliver is doing. She did not ask about any of the other kids. She was making her point, and we both knew it.
He is fine, I said.

"Oh I mean with his spells."

"What spells? " ( I know she meant that she thought he was horrible, but I'm going to make her say it).

"Well, I don't know what you call it, his episodes."

[ Well, I call them Grandma is judgmental and dislikes any child with special needs, but I guess you call it " episode"].

"Oliver doesn't have episodes."

Laurel started yammering in the background about needing her princess backpack.

"What does she need?" My mom needed to know.

" Her princess backpack"

" What is that?"

" A backpack with a princess on it"

" A back pack? and it has a princess? I've never heard of this"

I can see why this would be confusing, since every child in the country has a backpack with a character on it.

" Yes, a backpack with a princess on it".

" What is a princess?"

I hate these games.

" You know what a princess is."

" So is this from a movie? I don't know about a princess".

" There are a lot of princesses. You went to Disney world as a kid, you took me when I was a kid. You've seen a princess image".

" No, I don't know about these things".

She shifts back to Oliver.
" So does Oliver go to a normal school?"

"Yes, Oliver goes to school."
Ugh.

"Oh, I mean a " normal" one?" She presses.

"Oliver is fine", I reiterate. There isn't much point to this conversation.

" REALLY?" she asks, with great feigned surprise. " How is THAT working?"

Yeah, I get it. Thanks.

" Great".

" REALLY?" she asks again, in case I missed the insinuations the first time around.

" Yes, why wouldn't he be?"

" Oh no, no..." she replied as though I'd misunderstood something.

Ugh.

I'll have to give Oliver an extra hug when he gets home. Oliver will be OK. He can spell restaurant. I"ll bet she can't.