Sometimes Paper Plates Are The Best Option

We bought our dishwasher six months ago. We went all out. We got a Miele. Its really amazing. I never gave a whole lot of thought to dishwashers before because well, because they are not very interesting. Who wants to think about dishwashers? OK, this thing is great. The dishes sparkle. Seriously, its that good.
Or it was. Until it stopped working last week. The whole we need a new dishwasher, I can't handle washing dishes for 6 people, lunch box containers for 4 kids... that was a whole different saga that I never got around to blogging about. It was a long and drawn out and painful saga which involved tedium and misery and paper plates. I was not about to relive that saga.
OK, so I just have to make a phone call because the stupid thing is under warranty. Except the high end specialty dishwasher shoppe doesn't keep normal hours. And when I do get a hold of them they need time to access my info. What info? I bought a dishwasher from you. It doesn't work. Tada! There is my info.
Apparently there is more involved in this. I have to call the special Miele hotline first. My personal specialist gives me the hotline number and tells me it will all be quick and fantastic and solved in no time because Miele is headquartered in San Francisco. Fantastic, except the hotline operates on east coast hours. WTF?
Eventually I speak with a highly trained Miele specialist who instructs me to do things like turn it off and turn it back on. Yes, I thought of that. I'm calling you because it does not work. He instructs me to have to look under the sink, is there a valve? No.
No?
No.
There is no valve?
No.
Hmmmm. OK. Turn it off again. Is it draining now?
No.
Hmmmm , I do not understand this. It should drain.
Yes, I know. Its BROKEN. THAT IS WHY I AM CALLING YOU.
Hmmmmm
...
Hmmmmm
...
You will need to have a service call. The service center will call you to set that up.

The service center did not call. I called the service center. They had to access my information. Oh I see you have a work order, so we will be able to help you. Oh great, when?
Hmmmm.
We do have a technician that works in your area! That bit of information was relayed a little bit too enthusiastically for my jaded self.
Seriously? I'm supposed to be excited about this bit of news? Isn't it your job to get someone to service the machine that is under warranty?

Fast forward to today when I eagerly await the dishwasher repairman.

Is this guy for real? This man shows up and he is a travesty of himself. His hair is slicked back on the sides. He oozed in, stating he will be able to fix anything. It kind of went downhill from there.

He kept raising his eyebrows at me and clearing his throat and adjusting his collar and moaning and groaning as he tightened things with wrenches. I thought about asking him if he'd like to use the bathroom to masturbate, then I thought about how funny it would be if I actually said that, then I started laughing to myself. Then I think he mistook my inward smile as a sign that I thought he was hot. Then he just HAD to show me this one incredible thing he could do. He could magnetically hook up his computer to my dishwasher and obtain info on how many hours I'd cycled through.
" You will love this" he said with a wink.
Eeew, OMG yes, I am turned on by computer read outs of the hours I've logged on my dishwasher. ( Close to 1,000. Sexy, right? Imagine all those dirty dishes... cycling).

Then my daughter, who was at home sick, had to make the situation feel far creepier. She is fascinated by the fact that my underwear is different than boy underwear. She is transfixed by the notion that I can choose between wearing a bra vs wearing a camisole. She had on a pink tank top with a silk indian print shirt on top. So she started asking what I was wearing under my shirt.
A little shirt like hers? Or one of those other things?
OMG NOOOOO! NOT RIGHT NOW.

Creepy guy was here for over an hour, winking and raising his eyebrows, and learning about my undergarments of choice, but he finally left and I finally have a dishwasher.

If it malfunctions again I will use paper plates.